Realizing that you're Good Enough
Let’s face it- engineering design is hard. If engineering design wasn’t hard, then the BYU design review wouldn’t exist in the first place. We hope that this website can help and inspire you to do your best work in the face of any challenge.
A huge challenge for me in doing my best work has been maintaining good mental health. For some time now, I’ve been focusing on managing my anxiety and depression so I can do better in my classes, on design projects, and in my personal life as well.
I had always advocated other people getting help for mental illness, but for a long time was opposed to getting help myself. I would meet friends or read stories about people who had much worse problems than I did, and I interpreted this to mean that they were the ones who needed help, not me.
For the longest time, a feeling of not being good enough gnawed at me from the inside. That stress slowly changed into a sickening, paralyzing feeling, then into panic attacks in high stakes moments (like midterm exams). With the support of my parents and a few close friends, I began seeing a therapist to get help with what I now recognize as depression and anxiety. I am not a mental health professional, but here’s nine and a half pieces of advice I can offer to anyone else looking to improve their mental health and better manage stress in their life.
Asking for help. I wish I had reached out when I first realized I was feeling depressed instead of after the panic attacks. Don’t wait for things to get worse to get help. Get help now! Don’t use a comparison test of your pain/problems against others’ as a metric of whether or not you should seek help. If you’re sad, miserable, or wishing things could get better, know that they will. Friends, professors, classmates, coworkers, and health professionals can become part of your success story.
Going to therapy - For a long time I felt powerless to my emotions. When I was sad I was sad, and never questioned why. With therapy I’ve learned to understand why I may feel the way I do and how to healthily respond to the stress in my life. This helps me manage my time more efficiently and feel better about myself.
Medication for mental illness. I was hesitant to start taking an antidepressant because I was afraid that it would be equivalent to admitting that I was broken. One day I realized that I’ve been taking seasonal allergy medication for years because my body will react to pollen like a disease bearing pathogen, without ever feeling like I was broken. To boot, I’ve been wearing glasses since second grade to correct for natural flaws in my vision. And if I can do that without feeling broken, surely I could take medication to help with depression. Qualified health professionals can work with you to find what best suits your needs, and it’s been a huge benefit for me.
Eating 3 good meals a day keeps me in a good state of mind and helps me avoid paralyzing depressive moods. It pains me to hear friends and other students skipping meals or snacks so they can go to labs or get more work done. Plan time in your day for eating and make it the norm.
And similar to eating, getting enough sleep will also help you maintain a good mood. The CDC recommends getting 7 hours of sleep per night for most adults. Getting the sleep you need should be the norm, not a special treat reserved for holidays.
Exercise. You don’t need to be an athlete to benefit from exercise. Dedicate time weekly, or daily, to walk around outside or get your heart rate up (besides running to class because you’re late. Doesn’t count). And don’t feel like you need to shove yourself into a cookie cutter exercise routine like running or going to the gym. Search around till you find something you like! (My sister settled on unicycling). For me, a regular running routine helps me avoid panic attacks and stay organized. Find something that works for you and stick with it.
Mindfulness. When I do feel overwhelmed, I’ll pause to take a few deep breaths and just think of where I am. It helps me refocus on tests (even timed ones) and just feel more connected with myself. I’ve also learned that taking short, unstructured, and spontaneous breaks (like spending 5 minutes to talk with an old friend and getting to class late) go a long way to help me feel more relaxed.
Zero zeroes. Or in other words, always turn in something. With anxiety or burnout, it’s tempting to fall in the trap of not turning in assignments or stopping to attend lectures. But at the very least, a 50% or 25% will always be better than a zero in the gradebook. Commit to having zero zeroes and make the push to always submit something.
Leverage your strengths. A recurring theme in therapy for me is that I can’t control everything. Generally it’s my efforts to control everything that lead to feelings of anxiety. For a long time, I felt like my brain was broken because it was constantly analyzing and trying to define everything.
I only recently began to think differently about myself when I took a computer aided design class last fall. It was the first time I ever felt like I had a “knack” in an engineering class. I did better in it and enjoyed it more than my other classes. But I really had no idea why.
It dawned on that I loved solidworks so much because for the first time in my life I was being told to define everything. Literally! If you’re familiar with solidworks or other CAD software, you’ll recognize that under defined sketches are bad, defined sketches are good, over defined sketches are to be fixed, and defined sketches that capture design intent are nigh perfect. I loved that I could throw my entire self at a complex problem and have it be fully defined.
The interesting part? The same part of my brain that over analyzes, gets anxious, and sometimes has panic attacks is also the same part of me that is a CAD wizard. I used to feel like my brain would ruin everything. Since therapy, learning more about myself, and practicing the other points I listed, I am at peace with who I am. With careful discipline, I’m now learning how to use my brain to both avoid depressive moods and make “cool stuff” in solidworks. When things get hard, remember that you’re stronger than you think you are. Play to your strengths and hedge against your weaknesses.
9.5—A story
Once, I was on the phone with my dad, telling him about how nervous I was for another challenging week of school. After listening for a while he told me,
“You’ve been wondering all your life, high school, your mission, your freshman year, if you’re good enough. When will you finally realize that you are good enough?”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. A while after getting off the phone, I began crying and curled up in a ball under my desk. I was content to stay there all night, when I heard my phone buzz. Curious, I checked my phone to see this text from a friend:
“Hey have you started the homework that’s due tomorrow?”
I threw my phone down. No. I hadn’t. But at the very least, I had gotten up from under my desk, and figured that had to count for something.
Too often I would go to bed, staring at the ceiling wondering how on earth I would get through another week. And as time went on, and my dad’s question kept echoing in my mind- when would I finally realize that I was good enough?
I began to realize that every time I was worried my life would fall apart, I survived. Whether the assignments were only 50%, 100%, or not at all completed, the deadlines passed. Regardless of whether the test was passed or failed, it came and went. Every night when I thought things couldn’t get worse, the morning still came. Even if everything I hoped for was broken in my hands, I would be ok later. Tears dried. And even if the stress or the depression never went away, I never did either.
Day by day, failure by failure yet triumph by triumph I learned that bad things don’t stay forever, even if they do stay for a very long time. When depression or anxiety got the best of me, I always remained. Even though I felt broken and was terrified, I knew that I could pass through and keep on going.
One night, for the first time in 7 years, I stared up at the ceiling and finally realized that I was good enough.
Good enough to scribble out a few assignments 20 minutes before they were due and keep on going. Good enough to get a really low score on a pre-class quiz then get up and take another one. Good enough to keep running. Good enough to be a friend, good enough to let people be a friend to me. Good enough to pass a test here and fail a test there. Good enough to blow a few design projects out of the water and be content with the ones that sunk without a trace. What at first was a painful question became the impetus for me to realize that I was good enough, and I’m grateful my dad had the courage to ask me a hard question when it mattered most.
Feeling good enough is a difficult feeling to hold onto, and sometimes you feel like no one in the world even cares. But for anyone out there waiting for a text message to pull you out from underneath the desk, this is it. Don’t give up, don’t quit. You’ve done hard things before and you can do them again. Keep persevering, reach out to get the help you need, and as the days turn to months turn to years you’ll find success.
But more importantly, you’ll realize that you are good enough.
For anyone wanting to learn more about mental health, check out Psychology Today. You can also use that site to get in touch with a licensed therapist in your area. There’s also the national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They provide “free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.”
Finally, I’d like to thank all the family, friends, teachers and TAs who’ve ever helped me out on a bad day. Thanks for being part of my success story.
